Imperfect, Flawed & Sorry...

There is no way any of these words is going to be right for all… but I do feel I need to say them for clarity and in order to put the incident and subject in one place. I hope too that Miriam Lewis reads this and understands that the rage we engaged in with each other – came from the same place inside ourselves as women and mothers… the part that is driven to protect our young.

Having never met Miriam before we encountered outside the Conservative Party Conference on Monday – I of course knew nothing of the deep anguish and suffering she must experience always at the tragic loss of her daughter to suicide. Had we met under any other circumstances… my empathy would have been at the surface and I would have done anything I could to show kindness and ease her intense suffering. I lost a very dear friend in the same way and the pain is immeasurable – different from grief in that there is the constant questioning of self about what more could have been done to prevent this and “If only I’d….” etc. This though was not a place where gentle understanding and discussion about her suffering was possible – we were at the busy entrance to the Conservative Party Conference amidst noise, strangers and activity.

I was there with other women from Lancashire in order to ask for support to protect our children from the dangers of fracking. I was livestreaming video as she made her way along the line of Lancashire women who were there to raise awareness of imminent fracking in our community and she made a point of telling each she went up to that she was in favour of fracking.  All who have given precious years to this incredibly demanding defense of our communities from a government intent on facilitating “The Largest Gasfield in Europe” will understand how this feels to hear and what it triggers.

Like many in the anti-fracking movement, I am terrified of what’s to come, feel too small to stand against the might of the energy industry and compliant Conservative government but have no choice but to do this (have been doing so for 7 years) because unless there is a stand against this, our children will be harmed.  I think perhaps like others who are exhausted but still standing… I am on edge, I am traumatised and I am triggered by harsh, unthinking words too. 

When I hear someone say:

“We should frack, I want it.”

-what I hear is:

“We should play Russian Roulette with the children and grandchildren.”

Yes I am sorry our row escalated but I did not attack this woman about the loss of her child… she attacked our group for defending our children and I only became aware of her loss when during the arguement, she answered my question about if she had children. Her reply revealed the awful reality that her daughter had committed suicide. She naturally did this with rage, anger and hurt and at this point, if I were a better person, I should have shut-up… but all I could think was that our children would never have options if fracking goes ahead and that their lives would be at risk.  As she walked away she turned and laughed at me – I responded that sniggering was an odd reaction after she’d just talked about her daughter’s suicide.

Yes I was wrong to carry on and I am terribly sorry that she has experienced the unbearable pain of losing her daughter to suicide – this tragedy she carries though was not what brought her to aggressively approach the mothers and grandmothers from Lancashire who were lined up to defend the health and well-being of our own young. 

Our children – like hers – are the reason for our actions and we will fight to defend them with every ounce of our being.  

Why the Times chose to write this article is beyond my comprehension and why those chose to angle it, shape it and place my words in different order is also beyond me – in a world full of genuine criminality, tragedy, danger, corruption, harm and news… two mothers having an argument is surely not what the space is best used for. Highlighting my membership of the Green Party in order to tarnish them is as relevant as if they’d said I work with any of the NGOs or my membership of a literary group. My actions always are mine alone and not representative of anything other than me. I apologise too then to this exceptional political party for seeing them dragged into this ugly episode.

…………………………………….
About FRACKING:

*There's so much more we need to discover when researching this subject; some good bits like the honour and bravery of people like the Utah Midwives and George Bender or the wisdom and dedication of Jessica Ernst and Marianne Lloyd-Smith... but plenty of additional discoveries just add to an awful picture. The fact that many of academic institutions rely on funding from industries with vested interests, that many media outlets have bias and local government can be neutered at the whim of Westminster, have repercussions that go far beyond fracking... this WILL HARM OUR CHILDREN. I make no apology for what I do as an activist (although I do for when I mess up and hurt others).